March 31, 2008 at 8:12 pm (luke+lorelai, the daily banter)
so last friday i found out that i am stalker material. either that or my victim will not survive in the wilderness for long.
it was the last student hang out time and a few of us decided to stay back. fun time dwindles around 8pm (well for me anyways) but it felt too early to call it a night. seeing as honky tongs was sick i decided that i should give her a ride home. then i thought, since she stayed near where luke worked i should totally surprise/ambush him.
at 9.10pm i casually walked past the store (kind of, i was on the opposite end a good 20 ft away walking past the store). the lights were still turned on but something wasn’t right. there was no one. i closed the gap down to 5 ft, hid behind a pillar and got a diagonal shot into the store. there really was no one. i panicked. i knew he was a slacker but the place shouldn’t be empty a good 20 minutes before closing?! being the typical impatient me, i called not once but twice. no answer. the one time he didn’t pick up my call, it had to be today. so i stayed at the closer side now but walked furthered away contemplating my game plan. just then i saw him strolling back with his co-worker. oh right, they had to go to the bank. i totally forgot.
so i waited and at 9.20pm my phone started ringing. i got 2 missed calls while dodging his searching eyes and inching closer to the store. finally he stepped out and i begun to walk towards him thinking that i had blown my cover. the general has a big flashing red sign – “FAILED” in front of him right now. or is the stalking really over? i realized he was staring at his cell phone and hadn’t seen me, i started to run on tip toes and eventually crashed and took him out like a line backer because i slipped. thank God he was strong or we would be down on the granite floor. romance would have certainly be in the air then huh?
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March 24, 2008 at 9:08 pm (friday nights are alright for fighting, luke+lorelai)
personally i do fuss over whether luke is making an honest effort in getting to know the important people in my life. most of those important people are my family and most of whom he hasn’t met by virtue of oceans and continents. although in late april he’ll meet the grands. that’s a big deal cause my grands are the at the top (i would use another word if there is a better word i can think of at the moment) on my adore list. so far luke’s been mr. sociable and have created quite a following within the extended family. the puppy has been especially randy towards him. so, i thought, in return i too should make an honest effort in getting to know his family.
that’s why easter sunday found me sitting opposite his parents trying to keep a continuous impersonal conversation flowing with his parents while keeping a 2 feet distance from him. i thought i kept things under control until his dad made an inquiry about how i spend my units of spare time.
“any hobbies?”
that was a deadly question. words ceased. i was experiencing a brain freeze. it was a whole 2 second pause. too many comebacks. which one do i pick? i really wanted to leave a good impression. i wanted so badly to say driving but that wouldn’t go down too well (probably make me seem controlling and domineering, why you wonder? long story). traveling – will that make me seem to high maintenance? my super ego won and the silence persisted. the pause stretches to 5 seconds.
“hobbies, you know, like hiking, collecting stamps, things you do when you have time.”
darn it, i know what hobbies are! finally, feebly, i spilled out the words “i don’t have any hobbies, i just switch my interests from time to time.” oh my goodness, now i sound like a flighty flake!
the rest of the time was peppered with awkward silences with a minor hiccup when his mum made a direct hit about my lack of communication with my parents. alter ego took over at that point and later in a different conversation i made a comment about how my parents never had much time for the sibling and i (hence, the lack of perceived communication). but i would be very impressed if she made the connection.
beyond that i think the hour passed by relatively well with most of us though none the wiser but honest in our efforts.
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March 5, 2008 at 8:35 pm (Uncategorized)
usually when i spend that one day with God. i find that spend that time getting rid of all my accumulated anxiety and learning to rest in God. today, however, was different by virtue of me having been “cleansed” of my anxiety 2 fridays ago and have been living off the overflow from that day.
so today instead of reading the “rest” book or verses in bible relating to rest, i decided to continue on with my study on the book of philippians. i read most of it (well 2 chapters) in one seating but i could really only concentrate on a few verses. although i read what paul said quite a few times, today it just struck me when i read what he said was the one thing he did “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (philippians 3:13b). i sat there and thought what can i forget, surely there is nothing to forget cause i’ve been straining toward what is ahead, i’m not letting holding me back, or am i? it was at that time i realized how superficially i’ve been reading the verse. then i felt led to read the arguments he made that preceded his claim.
philippians 3:3-9 – “for it is we who are circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh – though i myself have reasons for such confidence. if anyone thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, i have more: circumcised on the 8th day, of people of israel, of the tribe of benjamin, a hebrew of hebrews; in regard to the law, a pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. but whatever was for my profit i now consider loss for the sake of Christ. what is more, i consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake i have loss all things. i consider them rubbish, that i may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteous faith of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ – the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.”
i was floored not because i was confronted by a nature of myself that was something new. nonetheless, i was surprised when i took a long hard look at my disposition and demeanor. it’s so easy to say that “i’ve considered everything as loss” and look like the suburban martyr. it’s easy to lose everything but it’s tough to lose the pride in my heart. how many times can i honestly say that i wasn’t the least bit proud when i shared with someone the “sacrifices” i had to make to be where i am today? maybe my confidences isn’t placed in traditional signs that merits status today but i have misplaced confidences in my own righteousness. the root of the rebellious heart is pride. pride causes the very separation between us and God and us and men. it’s pride that took the place of faith in my motivations. the very nature of the heart often overlooked and i’m glad that today i had a chance to take a long hard look at mine.
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